Final Quarter

Back in UTP for final year final semester! Today is first of October which marks the beginning of final quarter of year 2012. Life has been pretty same old, same old for the past few months. Rushing through deadlines to complete projects. Oh, result for last semester was released last week and it is the best result that I ever get in UTP. After consistent drop from semester to semester (including internship), it is about time to get a fairly high pointer. I am very grateful for that. Another 3 months before all these end.

In the need of new hobbies to distract myself from thoughts that keep on invading my head. If this continues, I might explode. Have all these stress and emotions suppressed within are really a discomfort, feel like there is a heavy stone is hitting my chest and I have troubles to lift it away. Feelings that I am not sure if anyone will really comprehend. People say take it easy but I choose to live the hard way. I started to think that I have compulsive self-destructive behavior. Lol. Lately, I can't stand watching dramas and listening to songs as I easily related myself to the contents, always reminds me the pain of life that I have to bear. I may be strong today, but I am not sure about tomorrow or day after. Dare not to foresee how's the future may turn out to be and decided to live this life day by day at the moment.

Changing the subject, it's been exactly a year ago when I started my journey to London for my internship. Seeing my juniors uploaded their photos on Facebook makes me miss those times so much. Just feeling very nostalgic as browsing my own albums when we all get all excited taking photos almost everywhere upon reaching the foreign land. Ah, memories. Wish to relive those moments again someday.

With the remaining time that I have here, I really want to cherish the moment with sweet memories. At the same time, I have been in constant dilemma whether I want to further studies or start working. If I will have the chance, I would prefer to continue somewhere else for a brand new start, an option that seems to be impossible to achieve. In the end, I will always fall back to the decision to work with PETRONAS, God willing, for the next 10 years. Pray hard that I won't get face any midlife crisis at the point and start to whine how regret I am back then. Lol. It is just harder to make up your mind at this age when you cannot only think about yourself as there are others dependent on you. I am not sure myself what I really want in this life either. Sigh.

Pretending to be someone that I am not has been part of me lately. A perfect disguise what is hidden within. Let go and move on. A slow and painful process.

Sign off.