What comes next?

**Brief update**

After 7 months of waiting, finally my placement with PETRONAS was confirmed and I am currently seeding at PETRONAS Carigali Sdn Bhd - Sarawak Operations (PCSB, SKO), Miri, Sarawak since 2nd September. I studied five years of chemical engineering and hope to get into downstream activity but being posted to upstream business instead. Hope this does more good despite of the discrepancy from my studies background. It's true they say that the degree is just a ticket to enter into working world, just like how SPM result got you into the university. You never really end up with what you wanted but I always choose to embrace the opportunity that is given. As the saying goes, "the road not taken". Rather, this made me dare to dream bigger, aim higher, aspire wilder, achieve better!

Now I am looking forward towards my convocation on the 27th of the month.

Dear friends, see you there!

My PIPE114 sisters! *throwback*

Lady Gaga - Applause (Official Audio)

Lady Gaga is back with new single, "Applause" from her upcoming album, 'ARTPOP'. Her last single was 2 years ago before she was off for her 18-month long concert tour. She always comes with new style with new album release. Anticipating!

"I live for the applause"

Trigger

Blogger has become more like a space for me to vent recently. The posts can be too personal and not even real life friends can comprehend what I actually feel but all I need are just listeners (or readers). Advice won't really work on me, most of the time. I am usually the one who cheers others but little thing I know whether it has helped them in any way.

Earlier this month my external hard disk crashed which contains lots of files, which include photos from my internship. Unlike hundred GB of videos and series that I have downloaded for past five years which are redownloable, the photos are irreplaceable. Hard disc failure is not as depressing when you are not able to recover back those moments. It will be too costly to recover from a big-size hard drive. If I have the mean, I won't mind going for it. (Thankfully, the photos are saved because there is a backup copy in my home desktop.) Still, I tend to grow sentimental over virtual stuff that I have kept for so long. 

Today, my 4-year-old laptop kept on crashing. I have tried to save it but the effort went down to the drain when in the end the system happened to freeze every time after it started up. My friend who worked in IT industry told me this might due to RAM failure since the laptop managed to start up so it can't possibly be software failure. Surely, my main concern is the files stored in my laptop. I have lost my stuff from my external hard drive and I don't think I can't afford to lose more stuff right now. My friend convinced me that these files can be recovered since they are still accessible before the system freezes. But, I just don't have any budget for that right now. Sigh.

In my own opinion, these are merely small issues which can be easily fixed, as long as you have the money. Nonetheless, these are the little things that trigger a near-miss breakdown. This constantly reminds me for being unemployed and in a way, my disappointment with certain entity. Trying the hardest everyday to diminish the negative feeling but things like these will always remind me. The more I talk about it, the more depressing it is. Okay, change topic.

Just found out that Cory Monteith, the actor who played the role as Finn Hudson on Glee died. I was so shocked when I read Kim Kardashian's tweet. I thought it is a hoax but after googling and I get to know it's true. This news is rather shocking. Before my hard drive died, I managed to have a "glee-athon", rewatching the whole series from the beginning until the very last episode. Glee has been inspiring in its ways together with its cast and hence his death is deeply felt. Gone too soon, may he rest in peace.

The cast come and ago throughout the series but his absence will be deeply felt when season 5 commences this September.

This, reminds me, that life is fragile. 

No Match

"May be there is no matching position yet," she said. It's either the roles are way too easy or too difficult for me to handle, I guess. I don't know. This remains a mystery, unsolved x-file. I am always puzzled but still managed to naively put things together. Ah well, positive way to look at this whole situation is the opportunity to come back tougher and stronger.

Anyway, moving on, this project is long overdue. The idea to make this video is more than a year old but it was never realized until recently with all the free time that I have at the moment and my brother's making video skill. Compressing seven-month journey within a ten-minute clip is not an easy job.

MAMGP Family

It's been more than a year but the memories are always fresh in my mind. We have our good times and also bad times but most importantly we went through them all together. The seven-month truly changes our friendships to a whole new level. "Kawan susah senang" indeed.

Reminiscing one of the best moments in life to keep me going.  

Turning Negative into Positive

Positive thinking is the ability to feel negative when you have to and still maintain enough hope to keep on going. - Quoted

The same cycle repeats daily. Waking up with much hope and expectation and always ending up with disappointment and frustration. No one to comfort myself but me. Every single day is like a battle. The fight seems to be endless. Stuck in the same dilemma over and over again.

A friend of mine told me it's my fault for not pushing it. I let the time decides the path for me while all I did was waiting. This is just so not me. Knowing myself the way I handled events and group projects in university, I always pushed my members in getting their tasks done. The same person right now, has done nothing for past few months. Took several measures once in a while and that was it. I might be jealous of my friends who have started their new life chapters. Jealousy fades when I start to put myself in their shoes. What if I am not ready? Knowing that engineering is not primary interest, will I be up to carry the responsibility which will last me for more than half of my lifespan, God willing? Calming myself down every day that I am taking this chance to be more prepared when the time comes. As little faith that I have in myself, it is never an obstacle in my pursuit.

I wish not to blame anyone for the delay in my employment. I heard stories. The ugly ones. Hearing these accounts make me so easy to point fingers towards you-know-who. I guess I need to be realistic. Equality is an ideal acceptance which is impossible in this realistic world, when luck sometimes plays a key role in deciding your path, no matter how hard you try. No one ever says life is fair. When Machiavelli suggests the end justifies means and most corporations are doing it today, however, I will always fight back that effort is more important than the result. All I ask for is just a fair game, in which I think it is too much to ask for.

Positivity and hope may dwindle over time but I have always managed to raise it back up. When people bring you down, take it as the opportunity to learn to bring yourself up.

I have strategised my measures and now can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Thanks to a friend who pushed me. I owe you one. =)