Turning Negative into Positive

Positive thinking is the ability to feel negative when you have to and still maintain enough hope to keep on going. - Quoted

The same cycle repeats daily. Waking up with much hope and expectation and always ending up with disappointment and frustration. No one to comfort myself but me. Every single day is like a battle. The fight seems to be endless. Stuck in the same dilemma over and over again.

A friend of mine told me it's my fault for not pushing it. I let the time decides the path for me while all I did was waiting. This is just so not me. Knowing myself the way I handled events and group projects in university, I always pushed my members in getting their tasks done. The same person right now, has done nothing for past few months. Took several measures once in a while and that was it. I might be jealous of my friends who have started their new life chapters. Jealousy fades when I start to put myself in their shoes. What if I am not ready? Knowing that engineering is not primary interest, will I be up to carry the responsibility which will last me for more than half of my lifespan, God willing? Calming myself down every day that I am taking this chance to be more prepared when the time comes. As little faith that I have in myself, it is never an obstacle in my pursuit.

I wish not to blame anyone for the delay in my employment. I heard stories. The ugly ones. Hearing these accounts make me so easy to point fingers towards you-know-who. I guess I need to be realistic. Equality is an ideal acceptance which is impossible in this realistic world, when luck sometimes plays a key role in deciding your path, no matter how hard you try. No one ever says life is fair. When Machiavelli suggests the end justifies means and most corporations are doing it today, however, I will always fight back that effort is more important than the result. All I ask for is just a fair game, in which I think it is too much to ask for.

Positivity and hope may dwindle over time but I have always managed to raise it back up. When people bring you down, take it as the opportunity to learn to bring yourself up.

I have strategised my measures and now can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Thanks to a friend who pushed me. I owe you one. =)

Blatant Emotion

Finally, fever of 13th Malaysian General Election is over, or is it not? Days and nights, my Facebook feed was and is still occupied with this issue. Well, it only happened once every five years. Prior to 5th May, my Facebook friends were so outspoken about which party they were supporting. It was very prominent that majority of the virtual world community were up for "Ubah". On the other hand, I can count the number of previous government supporters using only fingers. Up to that point, it was apparent that the opposition would actually win this time in becoming the federal government, or so I thought. When the result was announced after midnight yesterday, my Facebook was becoming a mourning site which didn't happen since Steve Jobs died in October 2011. Everyone started to change to their profile picture into black to join the mourning for the so-called death of Malaysian democracy as they claimed the government won via dirty tactics. Accusations were all over the place. Today the feed continues with both positive and negative perceptions of the result. I have been reading lots of feedbacks from all sides, from the statuses, notes, photos that were shared by my friends. Frankly speaking, these have given me views on this issue from more than one perspective.

I am rather neutral in my stand because I may second the idea of changing the government but it does not mean that I detest another party. Reading the immature comments on social network websites, it is such an unfortunate and sad phenomenon to witness that supporters of different parties were bashing one another. This was where people started to share whatever information to bring down the opponent party, convincing the others to change their minds. The share button on Facebook was abused blatantly. There was one incident yesterday where people started to accuse one Malaysian as a foreigner just because he was of dark skin by chinese name. (this was heavily due to the rumor of foreigners were being imported into the country. I used the word rumour because I cannot be 100% sure it is true) When it turned out to be otherwise, apology posts followed. People should realise that by spreading unverified information is just the same as giving proofless accusations. It is like someone accused you for stealing but you persistently denying it but the news already widely spread before you are proven innocent. No matter what you do, you wish to take them back, damage is already done. Imagine how that individual felt for being heavily falsely accused? Conclusion: Read more to know more even from the sources that you hate to get verification and more perspectives.

Following the announcement of the result last night saying the previous government retains for next term, virtual riot occurred. The word "magic" kept on appearing on my Facebook news feed. There were even "memes" of our Prime Minister being a magician. Bad news definitely spreads faster than good news. Most were preaching and claiming the death of Malaysian democracy. Some even claimed shame to be Malaysians, non-stop ranting about how unfair and dirty the election was. They started calling their names. What an ugly side to observe there. I thought you were fighting for better government but how about your attitude and maturity in handling the whole thing? They were so emotionally driven when they post those statements and their friends were going along by liking those statuses. You cried for "ubah" but what kind of "ubah" when you can't even watch your own words. You claimed the politicians were being dirty but you were verbally dirty. There is a saying, "an apple does not fall far from a tree". I seconded an article that I read mentioning, if you want to "ubah" the government, you should "ubah" yourself first. If you wish to vent, get better channels without offending anybody because for some posts, I was really offended, near to provocation but I managed to tone it down. Knowing they were too emotional because we are Malaysians, it is our nature to "cepat melatah". And we wonder why "freedom of speech" is pretty much restricted in this country. 

I vented this much because I was just rather taken aback by the behaviours of the voters. I never said that the party was right all the way but it didn't give me the power to accuse and calling them names. I believe there are more mature ways to rectify the situation. There is no need to add oil into the fire. Just stay calm and be more rational. Isn't that the reason why you can only vote at the age of 21 but such acts don't reflect your maturity. 

The only thing that I can firmly say against our dear Prime Minister for his remarks using the word "Chinese Tsunami" in defence of their loss in certain states. After all the allegations he is facing at the moment and he still has the guts to give such controversial statement after winning the election, when the opposition supporters who were still literally raging about his so-called dirty victory. I am not sure whether is that plain stupid but I really, really hope the politicians should stop unnecessary stir among the citizens. Be wise with choice of words. And so do you!

I have done my vent and deep down I hope everyone will stay cool and do the right thing the right way, with dignity.

Let's pray for another 5 peaceful years of Malaysia. We shall begin with small steps for big changes.

You Jump, I Jump

On the night of 14th April, 1912, somewhere in Atlantic Ocean, a ship hit an iceberg and foundered two and a half hours later. The shipwreck was discovered in the year 1985 and later, it inspired the production of one of the highest grossing films of all time in 1997. It is none other than Titanic. It's been 101 years since the tragedy but it continues to captivate the hearts of many by its stories. Okay, my heart at least. *imagine My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion is playing in the background*

Fascinated by the historic event, I can only wish the fictional love between Jack and Rose can be realised in real life. I mean, can you really find true love within a week? Jack and Rose first met at the stern on the night Rose attempted to commit suicide. Following day, both of them shared their stories to each other and later at night, they have dinner with other first-class passengers before Jack brought her to the real party at the steerage. They were "flying" on the next evening, the last day Titanic ever saw daylight. Rose was supposed to be on the lifeboat but she ran back to Jack, a scene that always brought me to tears. Jack and Rose tried their hardest to stay until the last moment before the ship finally went to the bottom. If my calculation was right, up to the point that Jack died, their relationship only lasted for three days. Regardless, Rose was ready to give it all to Jack.

If you are the movie enthusiast, you will notice in the last shot of the movie depicted photos of Rose during her younger days where she did all the things that Jack told her when he was still alive, getting married and having kids. She might have move on but Jack has become a part of her that she couldn't let go, even after eighty-four years.

True love and loyalty in relationship are usually only real in movies. Director has the liberty to plot the stories at his/her whims and fancies. In real life, we are the writers of our own stories but there is a twist, there are inevitable uninvited co-directors give you their so-called directions. If you are persistent, you can have it your way (Just like Burger King, lol). Otherwise, you are bounded to live up to what others think is right.

I never been in real relationship so I don't exactly fit in those lovers' shoes. I couldn't figure what could cause couples to break up despite they have been together for more than years. I thought they should understand each other better to accept their differences and all. Naive thought of mine, may be. Nonetheless, I can't help to feel envious of the joys and sorrows they get to share with each other.

Photo taken in Titanic Belfast, Northern Ireland

I guess I have been alone for too long. Wishing to live the love story of Jack and Rose. =)

Dreams vs Opportunities

When I was still in primary school, my aunt asked me what is my ambition. I told her that I like Mathematics.  She responded by saying that I should be an engineer. I wonder if you still remember back then you need to fill up a student profile and there was a section where you have to list out your ambitions and three columns were given. First column I wrote "Jurutera". As for second column, I put down "Guru" as I noticed something about myself during that time I like to pretend as a teacher, holding textbook and talking to invisible students. Other kids played "masak-masak" or Play Station and me played "cikgu". Lol. As for the third column, for some reason, I put "Pensyarah". How did I know that profession exist, I have no idea. May be because I mentioned I wanted to be a teacher and others said being a lecturer is better for higher pay. The ambition columns remained the same for six years of my primary school life.

Entering high school, comparing to other subjects, I did exceptionally well in Mathematics. It is not I am a genius that I can derive new equations or solve difficult problems or something. It just happened that I have deep passion in learning this particular subject. At that point of time, I became very certain this is the field that I wish to get into. No, never engineering. It is always Mathematics. All the way. Chemistry, Physics and Biology were fun and all but I wasn't sure I am up to study much of them. Plus, I thought when it came to university, you ought to study what you have interest in as compared to those compulsory subjects that you have to take for SPM. Attending a number of education fairs and the courses that I asked about was Mathematics. No, never engineering. For a course to be this specific was really not that popular. Even though such course is offered, it is available overseas mostly. I thought to myself at that time, "Why not taking Education in Mathematics then? Get the best of both of my interest." This dream remained as dream when I applied to study chemical engineering in UTP, just right after I finished my SPM. It just seemed the only option that I have the time. As the saying goes, "opportunity doesn't come twice".

Three and a half years studying in UTP before I was away for my internship, I tried to  develop interest in the program that I was studying. The matter didn't go easy when I was a PETRONAS scholar in which after I graduated, I supposedly bonded to serve the company for at least 10 years. It was as though that my future was already set on the day when I accepted the offer. Was anxious at first but overtime, tired of arguing with myself, perhaps this was for the best and decided to go along. Initially I was offered to intern at Malaysia Liquefied Natural Gas (MLNG) where I hope could rekindle my interest in oil & gas industry. The next thing I know I was given the opportunity to have my industrial training with Formula One Team in the United Kingdom. Formula One was so not related to my studies but how often would you have such chance? Contemplating between the two options, I decided to go overseas and hence, leaving chemical engineering behind for seven months.

Back in UTP for final year, I chose Process Plant Engineering for my major. The courses were pretty attractive to me especially Process Optimization. You don't say, it utilized mathematical concepts to solve problems. It was the very last course of my degree studies and managed to ace it. Found some glimpse of hope there, this might be my true calling. Passed PETRONAS structured interview and get recommended, now my only hope is to get the right job. Called for a chit-chat session the other day and the position offered was Production Engineer. Apparently, I didn't get it. At the tiniest part of my heart, I felt contented despite I have done my best in the interview.

I am envious of those who are able to go after their childhood dreams. My brother, for instance, he gets to pursue culinary arts in which I believe he will be an awesome chef someday because he has the fire within him. I need to add oil into my own fire if I wish to become a high flyer. Better stop just talking about it, I guess I have to do something about it. Walk the talk.

I may not be able to pursue my old dream but definitely not letting go the opportunity that is given to me to fulfil greater dream! That's the plan, for now.

Warner Bros. Studio Tour London - The Making of Harry Potter (Part 1)

Two days ago was the first anniversary of the opening of Warner Bros. Studio Tour London. It reminded me that I was present at the red carpet launching event. 31st March 2012, one of highlights in my life where I get to meet the cast of Harry Potter films including Tom Felton!

Ever since Harry Potter film series ended, I became very engrossed with Harry Potter. I never read the books before watching the movies. I wasn't really into the series until the last instalment. There was a magic moment in Deathly Hallow Part 2 that strikes me and sparks my interest. It all started with reading Harry Potter wiki and eventually, the seven novels. I read the seven books more than once. I watched the eight movies more than twice. To make it short, I become a fan of Harry Potter. Somewhat.

If it was not because my friend told me, I wouldn't know that there was a studio tour for Harry Potter films to be launched in London at the end of March 2012, in which I would still be in England at the time for my internship. As tickets were opened for booking, I bought mine almost immediately with no hesitation. Bought the ticket in February but my visit would only be on 6th of April. All I need to do was just to wait for the day to come until I saw a lucky draw contest at their official website pertaining to free entry to launching event of the studio where you have the opportunity to meet up with some of the casts. I was thrilled. I signed up for the fun of it without expecting to win because I never won a lucky draw. What is the odd that I won two entry tickets! :D

The ticket mentioned that we need to present at the event by 1.00pm although the event started at 3.00pm. We waited for two hours in the cold British weather. The day showed signs that it might rain but thankfully it didn't. There was a host entertaining the fans while waiting for the cast arrival. He seemed to be quite a celebrity since the Brits were cheering for him. Me and my friend were like, "who is he?". A number of Harry Potter soundtracks were being played. The studio staff were superbly friendly!

Waiting for cast arrival.

The crowd 

Main studio building

One of the film posters

Studio entrance

My very first red carpet event!

The clock struck 3.30pm and Tom Felton was the first one to appear, followed by other actors/actresses. Let's the photos do the talking.

Didn't manage to take closer shot of Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy) since he was never near to the spot where we were standing.

Bonnie Wright (Ginny Weasley) 

Rupert Grint (Ronald Weasley) 

David Bradley (Argus Filch, the caretaker) 

 David Thewlis (Remus Lupin)

 Chris Rankin (Percy Weasley)

Evanna Lynch (Luna Lovegood) 

Harry Melling (Dudley Dursley) 

Alfred Enoch (Dean Thomas) 

Warwick Davis (Griphook & Professor Flitwick)

Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Wastson didn't present at the event due to schedule conflict. It would be so complete if they could make it. Oh well, I guess I was lucky enough to see some of the cast. It was a pretty long day but for a fan, it was totally worth it.

Rest in peace, Richard Griffifth (Uncle Vernon). (31 July 1947 - 28 March 2013)

**********

After waiting for a month, it was all a false hope. Waiting for job placement from PETRONAS, reminded me the time when I was waiting for overseas internship placement. I was the last one to be placed. They say good thing comes to those who wait. Another saying, "Save the best for last". All the seniors were saying the same thing, "Relax,", "Chill first,", "Once you started working, there will be no time to rest at all." I have been resting for three months. I think I have enough. I might have missed  the previous opportunity, who knows the next chance can be better. There's the silver lining. 

Anyway, congratulation to those who have their placements and all the best in your careers. As for the rest, let's pray for the best, mates! =)

When one door closes, another opens.