End of October

31 October 2009: very last day of the month. Time has flew super duper fast! Can't believe we are only left with 2 months before new year 2010 arrives. T.T

It has been a tough week with 3 tests in a row. Screwing up my FM paper on Tuesday and this followed by MEB paper on Wednesday. IMSE paper on Thursday, the questions weren't that difficult. Just that, I was not well-prepared mentally. Still "mourning" over my past tests. Seriously at that point, I don't really care. I was reading notes but it was so hard to get them stucked into my head. They refuse to stay there. My mind wanted to fail me... ='(

I was so emotionally disturbed. I am not that smart despite of the achievement back in high school. Every time I reconnect with my high school friends, they expect me to be the same, the typical top achiever me, just like back in old time. Sadly, I am not. I am no longer the guy who used to be on top anymore. This does not give me pressure though. I am just disappointed that I cannot stay consistent in my performance. I know I can do better but the problem is, I am just lazy. What for working so hard for something that I don't really have interest in? Studying, revision, doing assignments, et cetera, all the motivations are coming by force. They don't come spontaneously. And, I am tired of forcing them to come.

I don't really like it when someone comes to me and say, "don't study lar..". That is the time I have my motivation which it comes by itself. If not, I won't be bother studying at all. Sometimes, sorry to say, I am really annoyed by this.

I don't have commitment problem, frankly speaking. You will never be questioning me. The key in accomplishing a task is the passion. It is something that you WANT to do, not you HAVE to do. There is a difference. I have passion in thing that I WANT to do.

Mummy called just now half way typing this post. Guess she get to know that I am being down right now ever since last call. Mummy always knows and she knows what's the best.

Still, am seeking for passion in my studies. I always try to believe that thing happens for a reason. I always try to believe that this journey will lead to a good ending. It can be bumpy sometimes, but it's worth to go for. Every time, my belief turns out to be right. =)

I know, it has been so negative for the past few posts. Oh well, it has been a real personal blog. So, just let it be here.

Till here for now.
And ya, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
*Can someone buy me chocolate? hehe...

Exhaustion

I am wondering if test 2 are meant to be screwed. Just done with my second test today and yeah, I screwed it up again, just like what happened yesterday. I have another 3 tests remaining and Final Exam comes in exactly 2 weeks time! Test has made the time passed by way much faster. Now, I am pushing those sides. Still, my mind is playing tricks on me.

I am seriously tired.
Tired of things that I have to do, not I want to do.
Tired of being blank. (quote from someone)
Tired of busy-ness that I know that I have a choice not to be in from the very beginning.
Tired of regretting.
Tired of sighing.
Tired of losing motivation.
Tired of questioning the objectives of what I am doing now.
Tired of wondering why I am now in UTP. Chemical Engineering is not really my interest in the first place.
Tired of making wrong options.
Tired of being tired.
This leads to exhaustion.

Talk to mum for nearly half an hour. Chat with someone.
All of them said, "Just look forward, what you have now is just temporary. Think of the future."
It is just so hard to hold on, sometimes.

Well, perhaps everyone will be having downside of their life. I am having mine now. lol
It has been a hard time and surely it will get tougher sooner. Guess that I need to do my best out of it.

So is everyone. Ganbatte yo~ =)
And, stay strong, too!

Hate this

Was studying and I am still studying Fluid Mechanics (but not right at this instant definitely) and I am so stressed up. Don't even understand a thing. Well, that is a bit exaggerating. I do but not when it comes to solve the problems. How come the questions are so complicated to comprehend? I scan through my tutorial questions and saw some unfamiliar terms which are not in the lecture notes (or may be I didn't revise my notes well enough, don't know, don't care). Textbook just makes things worst. Yeah, I read textbook. Just feel so insecure if I don't read it. But, it is so unnecessary and a waste of time. Come to think of it, it is not a waste of time. Wrong timing it is. Last minute. Pathetic, right? T.T

So gonna screw up the FM test later.
How I wish I can learn Maths and only Maths. Chemical engineer is not even my dream job because I don't really know what a chemical engineer does.

Lately, I detest a lot of people. There are so many persons in my wish-not-to-see list. Being too kind and considerate cause them to take thing for granted. Wish I could be a bit meaner, a bit less considerate, may be, I won't feel like this. Gosh, I feel so bad. Should have this feeling erased. Have problem tolerating and accepting others? I guess this is my problem. It is not used to be like this before. A sign of stress? I am not really sure.

Going to crunch my FM textbook and lecture notes, again. And ya, FACEBOOK! lol

*It has been a long while you didn't call. You are my de-stress-er! =)

Emptiness

Feeling alone or lonely?

Alone and loneliness; these two words come from the same root word, “lone” which means having no company or solitary. They are somehow related to one another. One says that if you are alone, that means you are lonely. If you are lonely, that means you are alone.

In my own terms, it does not work that way. Well, it is own personal experience, at least. Alone is more to the physical state of it; without anyone besides you. Loneliness, on the other hand, it is about how you feel beneath. It can’t be expressed; it’s a hidden emotion. To me, it is two different perspectives, depends on the way how you look at it.

For me, when you are alone, no one is there beside you, not necessarily you will feel lonely. There is always a special friend that paints a smile in your heart. Despite of the distance, you will have that warmth kind of feeling.
BUT, when you are feeling lonely, this truly means that you are really alone. This is pathetic kind of “lone” although you are surrounded by people. Somehow, you just don’t feel like to be in the crowd. How sad.

I am not emo-ing. I am not being alone. I am not feeling lonely.
I am just feeling, empty.

******************

Remember this list?

1. Introduction To Material Science (IMSE) Project - 21 Oct
2. IMSE Quiz - 22 Oct
3. Material & Energy Balance (MEB) Assignment - 23 Oct
4. IMSE Assignment - 23 Oct
5. Fluid Mechanics (FM) Report - 26 Oct
6. Engineering Graphics Project - 27 Oct
7. FM Test - 27 Oct
8. IMSE Test - 29 Oct
9. EG Test - 2 Nov
10. SPDS Test - 3 Nov

It was updated and became like this one day after I posted this that day.
1. Introduction To Material Science (IMSE) Project - 21 Oct
2. IMSE Quiz - 22 Oct
3. Material & Energy Balance (MEB) Assignment - 23 Oct
4. IMSE Assignment - 23 Oct
5. Fluid Mechanics (FM) Report - 26 Oct
6. Engineering Graphics Project - 27 Oct
7. FM Test - 27 Oct
8. *MEB Test 2 – 28 Oct
9. IMSE Test - 29 Oct
10. *MEB Quiz – 30 Oct
11. EG Test - 2 Nov
12.SPDS Test - 3 Nov
13. *SPDS project – 3 Nov

The current list:
1Introduction To Material Science (IMSE) Project - 21 Oct
2. IMSE Quiz - 22 Oct
3. Material & Energy Balance (MEB) Assignment - 23 Oct
4. IMSE Assignment - 23 Oct
5. Fluid Mechanics (FM) Report - 26 Oct
6. Engineering Graphics Project - 27 Oct
7. FM Test - 27 Oct
8*MEB Test 2 – 28 Oct
9. IMSE Test - 29 Oct
10. MEB Quiz – 30 Oct
11. EG Test - 2 Nov
12. SPDS Test - 3 Nov
13. *SPDS project – 3 Nov

4 weeks: 2 weeks of tests & 2 weeks of final exam officially commences tomorrow. Take this two weeks as warm up and get it all out for final. Ganbatte yo~, everyone!

Only one problem though: FINAL DRAFT OF FINAL EXAM TIMETABLE IS YET TO BE RELEASED. I am so tired of waiting and waiting. Checking the UTP website again and again. Lousy inefficient management and yet, they expect the students to be punctual in everything, follow their deadlines in submitting work, follow the rules and regulations and all. This is real stupid.

Anyway, I start to miss home already. Was browsing through photos in Facebook last night and found this.

Mummy and daddy

Homesick!
=')

23.10.2009

Despite of being packed with daily schedule, there are things in life far much important than tests, assignments, projects, etc. You may do badly or even flunk in final exam, life has to go on still. But, when you lose your loved ones, who you care so much, it takes time to pull yourself together again. The feeling is so much worst than failing your tests.

This post is specially dedicated to someone who has given me this life. Someone who has to bear with me for being rebellious, stubborn, mischievous and all the bad things you can think of in a yet-to-be-matured-who-think-he-is-so-smart eldest son. Someone who has cried and shedded tears for me. Too much hints. Enough said.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
TO MY BELOVED MUMMY!

me and my mum

Stay happy, stay healthy
=)

Love,
Baba

Half Past Month

Look at the date. It is 19 October already. Half of the month has passed by. So fast. Another 12 days before this month ends. I am not ready yet to welcome the upcoming November! T.T

1. Introduction To Material Science (IMSE) Project - 21 Oct
2. IMSE Quiz - 22 Oct
3. Material & Energy Balance (MEB) Assignment - 23 Oct
4. IMSE Assignment - 23 Oct
5. Fluid Mechanics (FM) Report - 26 Oct
6. Engineering Graphics Project - 27 Oct
7. FM Test - 27 Oct
8. IMSE Test - 29 Oct
9. EG Test - 2 Nov
10. SPDS Test - 3 Nov

Yet to include MEB test. -.-"
This is the list that occupies in my planner at the moment before Final Exam commences. So wish to cross them out as soon as possible!

All the best people! Three more weeks to go.

*Damn the lab demo this morning. Just because you are GA does not mean what you say is always right. Is there anything wrong if I am checking e-learning? Do check properly before you say anything. You don't earn my respect for that.

Surrogate

SYNOPSIS:
The filmmaking trio behind the hit sci-fi sequel Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines re-team to explore a future in which humans live in isolation while only communicating with their fellow man through robots that serve as social surrogates and are better-looking versions of their human counterparts. Bruce Willis stars as an FBI agent who enlists the aid of his own surrogate to investigate the murder of the genius college student who invented the surrogates. As the case grows more complicated, however, the withdrawn detective discovers that in order to actually catch the killer he will have to venture outside the safety of his own home for the first time in many years, and enlists the aid of another agent (Radha Mitchell) in tracking his target down. Jonathan Mostow directs co-screenwriters Michael Ferris and John Brancato's adaptation of the graphic novel by author Robert Venditti and illustrator Brett Weldele. [D-Man2010]

In the near future, humans live in isolation and only interact through robotic bodies that serve as surrogates. When several humans are murdered when their surrogates are destroyed, a cop (Bruce Willis) investigates the crimes through his own surrogate. After a near fatal encounter, the cop's surrogate is destroyed and forces him to bring his human form out of isolation and unravel a conspiracy behind the crimes. [D-Man2010]

I find the movie is just okay. It is about human runs their daily lives in the form of surrogate walking down the street. A humanoid robot runs the city but being operated by a meat bag (the term they use for a typical human). The story line is typical. They create, then they regret, then they destroy. Nothing new. Nothing fresh. Just same lame old story. The ending, was sort of abrupt. After all the surrogates were being deactivated, the movie ended. My rating: 2.5/5

I-Robot is much better, I would say (although the plot is somewhat similar, I-Robot comes out first.)Just for your information, the old man who acts as the inventor of Surrogate is the same person who acts in I-Robot. Yes, in both movies, the old man died.

New movie comes to cinema this December: AVATAR, by James Cameron!

Went to Ipoh with Fazlee, Graham, Jonathan, Sze Mei, Lian Hung, Wee Kheng, Yi Herng, and Liew. They were surprised that I didn't buy Starbucks drink when we dropped by there.

"You are seriously not buying???!!!" -.-"

Playing bowling, buying "Japanese slipper" and having RM17.50 meal at Secret Recipe, we called it a day. Was so tired when I was back to campus, sleep from 8.00pm until 10.00pm, a night nap. lol

Listening to this song lately.

Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone

Nicely written.

*Suddenly I miss the old time.
**Sorry if I am being selfish but as you can see, thing has changed.

Time for Break

First and foremost, I would like to wish all my Indian friends HAPPY DEEPAVALI. May this occasion will bring you all closer to your family and not forgetting your lovely friends. Thanks to you, we get one extra holiday this weekend. Yay! lol

My life currently, well, is not so busy since I am done with my event on last Wednesday, Scribes Showcase. Will be getting the photos soon! Stay tuned. Left with projects, test 2, quizzes and assignments before final exam. I so miss my day naps after having sleepless nights for the past few days. It is time for me to catch my breath, for once ever since mid-semester break. My nights were occupied with meetings; my weekends were taken away by preparation for events and projects together with other endless task. Now, push those aside and let enjoy the one-day holiday first. :D

Woah, 3 weeks of lecture to go before the peak of the semester. Another 2 weeks, much-awaited 2-month and 1-week semester break will be here. Just hold on for another 5 weeks, I will be home sweet home again. Looking forward for the upcoming holidays! Christmas, Kuching, New Year, and hopefully, Sabah. =)

Well, it is time to head for my bed because I am going to Ipoh tomorrow morning.

*
Sometimes I think you try too hard.
Somehow or rather, you better save it.
You may have lost yours but seems that you already get another one.
But, I will never want to lose mine.
I will never take things for granted.

**
Till the end of the day, it is the small thing that I remember.
This thing is the one that always makes my day.
These little imperfections make thing or you,
just perfect for me. =)

***
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR FRIEND, CHRISPIAN ARTHUR EPUI.
This photo is more than one year old.

Self-Indulgence

Living Cabin @ Ipoh Parade

Went to Ipoh yesterday with Sarah, Serena and Laura. Wanna get out of UTP for a while, to forget about all those commitment who get me stressed out for the past few days.

Bought myself RM14.20 Starbucks Ice-Blended Chocolate, RM2.30 Big Apple Donut and RM6.60 Secret Recipe New York Chesse Cake. RM15 on transport. See? I spend less than RM50 in Ipoh. It can be done. lol

Now, back to work!

Mini Update

My life currently evolves around meeting, events, assignments, quizzes, pop quizzes, tests, projects, reports and the list goes on. Some are delayed; some are impromptu; some are last minute.

Final exam is coming in less than a month. 2 weeks after that, semester break starts. Looking forward for the upcoming break. Can't wait! =)

As the title suggests, I shall end my post here. Just to inform, this blog is not dead, yet.

Happy Mooncake Festival

My second celebration in UTP. Hmm, wish I have mooncake to eat right at this moment and most importantly, "tanglung" to play. Wish I at home with my family to celebrate this special occasion.

Starbucks Moon Cake, it costs RM14.00 each. No, I didn't buy any.

Someone told me that looking at me remind him of Starbucks. Oh please! Is that being sarcastic or what? -.-"

Anyway, I will be attending my Uni Deepavali & Indian Cultural Nite held by my friends. Hmm, I don't have any Indian wear though. Hope the RM8 ticket worth it.

*Most people come into our lives and quickly leave. It is the special few that come in and leave a footprint in our hearts and we are forever changed.

Happy October!

Finally, month of October is here! Other than April, this is my favourite month. Only me myself know the reason why. :)

Despite of the busy month it will be:

1. 5 Oct - Dateline for Engineering Graphics Project

2. 7 & 9 Oct - CheExposium

3. 8 Oct - Fluid Mechanics Test

4. 12-14 Oct - OctoberFest

5. 21 Oct - IMSE Project

Yet to include impromptu assignments, second round of test to be squeezed within this remaining week as our final will start on 11 Nov. Seem to be long way to go. Actually, it is not. Time has been flew too fast. Next 5 weeks will just pass by in no time.

Now, we are complaining how freaking busy we are.During holidays, we will whine how bored we are. Oh well, this is part of life.

Conclusion: Enjoy life, no matter what happens. Don't let those pouring work ruin your day. :)

#Random 1:

The flight was so shaky during the day I was flying back to KL. It came to a sudden descent like moment after taking off. Approaching KL, the flight was undergoing through some turbulence due to the bad weather.

#Random 2:

Cute monkey in my car. lol

#Random 3:

Found this when I was doing shopping with my mum.

Hope this cheers him up. =)